Sunday, April 22, 2012

Chinese Restaurant Websites - Shit proofreaders' wet dreams are made of...



This shit was just too much of a sparkly gem not to share it with my peeps.  Let's break this bad boy down line by line.


Welcome to Chin Tao Restaurant!
THANK YOU.  I'M JUST HERE TO SEE IF YOU HAVE AN ONLINE ORDERING SYSTEM.

Located in the beautiful city of HOUSTON,our restaurant has been dedicated to offering the most memorable dining experience for you.
NOT THE BEST SENTENCE; BUT OK.  LET'S MOVE ON, SHALL WE?

We pick ingredients carefully and use only the freshest and nature ones to prepare every dish, and have been trying to cook them in a healthier way to provide the most nutritious food. Much attention has been attached to ensure you a cozy and inviting ambiance where you could enjoy not only the great meal but also the authentic atmosphere.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THIS ONE LINE BY LINE, Y'ALL.
"NATURE ONES"?  I'M ASSUMING THEY MEAN "NATURAL".  THE QUESTION IS: DO OTHER RESTAURANTS USE UNNATURAL INGREDIENTS?
"TRYING TO COOK"? LET'S JUST HOPE THEY TRY HARD.
NOT SURE I'M COMFORTABLE WITH ANYONE ATTACHING ATTENTION ON ME...SEEMS BORDERLINE STALKERISH.
ARE ATMOSPHERES AUTHENTIC?
 
The owner and all staffs in Chin Tao Restaurant will greet you with the warmest welcome, whether you are a habitual patron or come for the first time. We have made painstaking efforts to create the tidiest and cleanest dining place, and guarantee you with friendly and timely service. Every of your demand and feeling will be cared in our restaurant.
STAFFS?  HOW MANY DO THEY HAVE, I WONDER?
THE ONLY PLACE I'M A HABITUAL PATRON OF IS MY RESTROOM.  ALSO I'D LOVE TO CUM, I MEAN COME, FOR THE FIRST TIME AGAIN.
"PAINSTAKING EFFORTS"? TO BE CLEAN AND TIDY?  REALLY?  DID SOMEONE DIE IN THE PROCESS?  DO YOU KEEP YOUR STAFFS CHAINED AND GAGGED IN THE STORAGE CLOSET?
EVERY OF MY DEMAND AND FEELING WANTS TO PUNCH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PEEPS IN THE TACO. WITH A HAMMER. TWICE. THEN PULL YOUR HAIRS FOR GOOD MEASURE.

If you have any commend or suggestion, or want to get more specific information about us, feel free to contact us at 281-469-0103,or browse our's Website 'www.chintaochineserestaurant.com',we will be delight to hear from you any time!
OH, I'VE GOT A COMMEND!  GET SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ENGLISH TO PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT!
OUR'S?  REALLY?!  THAT'S THE BEST USE OF AN APOSTROPHE I'VE EVER SEEN.
OH, AND THANKS FOR THE WEBSITE ADDRESS... I THINK I FOUND IT WITHOUT YOU TELLING ME WHERE THE FUCK IT WAS.
"WE WILL BE DELIGHT"? MAYBE THEY MEANT: WE WILL BE DEE-LITE.  LIKE THAT SONG? REMEMBER? GROOOOVE IS IN THE HEART.....! I REMEMBER DANCING THE SHIT OUTTA THAT SONG IN HIGH SCHOOL!

Welcome to experience the best meals in our fairyland!

FUCK.  MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE DINED IN INSTEAD OF ORDERING FOR DELIVERY.  I BET THEY HAVE UNICORNS THERE.  I WANNA RIDE A UNICORN.  

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