Friday, November 1, 2013

We Can't All Be Angels

I'm really not sure how I get myself entwined in social circles that are either: 1) way out of my league, 2) full of batshit crazy douchebags, 3) lesbionic, 4) secret swingers mingling clubs, or 5) all of the above.  But, I do.  And, to my defense, I usually just stumble upon 'em accidentally as I do with much of the shit I write about here.  I can't make this shit up, y'all.  I'm not THAT clever.

So, I've given you a glimpse into what it's like for me in the waiting room at the the littlest spawn's new dance class, right?  Well, come to find out, there's more than just the one church lady in that group of moms.  There are four, to be exact.  (I sure miss the old class...where all the moms were just as fucked up and fabulous as I am.)  The other waiting moms, like me, just sit around and try not to listen to those righteous bitches yammer on about potlucks, homeschooling and bible studies.  I like to catch up on my reading, while the other "normal-ish" type moms like to talk on their phones, pretend to be busy checking emails/texts or plaster their noses up against the window into the dance studio.

But, you can't NOT hear what the church ladies are talking about... no matter how hard you try.  I even wore earbuds one day, blasting Dirty Heads, in an effort NOT to hear whatever the fuck they were saying. But, guess what... I still heard most of it.

Anyway... last week they were all excited about what their kids were going to be for Halloween (or All  Soul's Day, as one of them corrected).  From what I can remember, here were some of the costumes planned:
  • Mother Teresa
  • St. Francis of Assisi
  • Laura Ingels (from Little House on the Prairie)
  • St. Christopher
  • a shepherd
  • a vegetable from Veggie Tales
There were others I can't remember now, because my ears started bleeding as I tried not to listen.  Here's what my kid was for Halloween:


Hey.  If we're going to hell anyway, we might as well go down in style!  Amiright? 

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