Getting Into The Groove...
Now that I'm a homeowner, there seems to be less hours in the day. When my eyes are open and I'm floating through what's supposed to be my real life (not a dream), I sometimes find myself on some bizarre and strict schedule which includes driving for THREE. HOURS. A. DAY. Not all at once - but pretty damn close. When it first started I thought I was going to drive myself right over the side of a bridge and end it all. Who ever heard of driving THREE. HOURS. A. DAY. to get to and from work? Even when the hubber helps with the carpooling and cuts about an hour off my time, we're still talking TWO. HOURS. A. DAY. And who'da thunk the simple act of buying a home would cause such nonsense?
Then, I got to thinking. I'm the dumbass that asked for this.
Moving to the country comes with certain inherent responsibilities. One being yard work. And lots of it. Another being driving. And lots of it. After a few weeks of swearing, honking and bashing my forehead against the steering wheel, I decided I'd better calm my ass down if I wanted to live a life free of migrains and ulcers.
So, I caved. I became a commuter. And a serious one, at that. I've learned how to apply makeup while in traffic. I've learned to quiz my kid on spelling words while in traffic. I've learned to allow people to merge in front of me even after they skipped to the front of the line while in traffic. I've learned to catch up on phone calls to family while in traffic. I've learned not to shoot the bird when other drivers won't let me merge after I've skipped to the front of the line while in traffic. Now, if I could just learn to send text messages without taking my eyes off the road like my sister does, I'll be all set!
Things that make it all worth while...
Sometimes, when I'm not behind the wheel, I find myself floating through life in a sparkling pool located in the best backyard EVER. Or piddling away in my greenhouse. Or walking J up the stairs while she says "good night" to Hubber 25 kazillion different ways. Or sipping on a Cruzan & Coke while Hubber's outside flipping Pappa burgers. Or staring in amazement at this huge thing I own - of this new, wonderful life I'm a part of. Those are the hours I lose track of. So, maybe they make up for all the time I spend driving.
1st Time Homebuyers
Back in December, when the Hubber and I first began our search for a house, we were so nervous and timid and unsure of ourselves. Back then, we didn't know what to expect....from realtors and lendors to inspectors and insurance agents...the thought of going through this process made us ill. Back then, we were clueless. We thought that once we found THE house, we'd be spending hours and hours in stuffy banks and offices with agents in power suits and ties. We thought it was the stuff we'd seen on TV.
Boy, were we shocked to realize that people are handling business right from their own homes. They actually work a 9-5 job and sell houses in their free time! They sit around at home in their underwear, scratching their asses with one hand and typing our financial info into their computer with the other. All the while, the dog is barking, the kid is crying and the TV is blaring. It's kinda hard to talk business with someone over the phone when you hear "Daddy...Daddy...Daddy" in the background on the other end of the line.
The other day, I listened to a voice message that went something like this: "Hello Mrs. Hancock. This is [So-and-So] Ward. I'm with [So-and-So] loan company and have been assigned your file. There are a few items I need clarification on. Please call me at your earliest convenience so that we can expedite your loan. *BARK*BARK*BARK*. I can be *BARK* reached at *BARK* [blah, blah number] until *BARK* 5:00 p.m."
There was a little yapper in the background. So, I'm thinking...hey, that's cool...they let them take their pets to work! Then, I started thinking a little more clearly...this "WARD" person....could she be related to our loan officer? Why, I wonder if she's his wife? The other day when we met him at his office [Starbucks], he said something about his wife helping out with the business. Hmmmmmm.
So, I call her back and I ask her if she is by chance [So-and-So's] wife. And she said she was! I thanked her kindly for the very professional message she left me and let her know that I thought the dog barking in the background was a nice touch. She laughed a little, but I could tell she was embarrassed. That's when the baby started crying. Well, I'll be.
Later Hubber and I share notes. Apparently this lovely lady called him today, too. She called him on his CELL PHONE....
Hubber: This is Hubber with [So-and-So] company.
Lovely Lady: Can you transfer me to HR please?
Hubber: Uhm. This is my cell phone. I can't TRANSFER calls.
Lovely Lady: This is [So-and-So] Ward calling to verify employment for Hubber.
Hubber: Well, this is Hubber and I verify that I work there.
Lovely Lady: I'll need to speak to someone in HR.
Hubber: Well call this #: [blah blah number]
Lovely Lady: Thank you. *BARK*BARK*CRY*CRY*
Click.
Very strange that one. Very strange. With a dog and kid like that, I'd probably lock those loud little heffers up in a sound proof room while I was on the phone CONDUCTING BUSINESS.
Maybe I'm in the wrong business. Is there money in processing loans from home? This is something I need to look into. My ideal job would be sitting my fat ass in a hot tub, clicking away on a lap top and yammering on the phone about hundreds of thousands of dollars each day....while people are sweating bullets and signing their lives away.
Back in December, when the Hubber and I first began our search for a house, we were so nervous and timid and unsure of ourselves. Back then, we didn't know what to expect....from realtors and lendors to inspectors and insurance agents...the thought of going through this process made us ill. Back then, we were clueless. We thought that once we found THE house, we'd be spending hours and hours in stuffy banks and offices with agents in power suits and ties. We thought it was the stuff we'd seen on TV.
Boy, were we shocked to realize that people are handling business right from their own homes. They actually work a 9-5 job and sell houses in their free time! They sit around at home in their underwear, scratching their asses with one hand and typing our financial info into their computer with the other. All the while, the dog is barking, the kid is crying and the TV is blaring. It's kinda hard to talk business with someone over the phone when you hear "Daddy...Daddy...Daddy" in the background on the other end of the line.
The other day, I listened to a voice message that went something like this: "Hello Mrs. Hancock. This is [So-and-So] Ward. I'm with [So-and-So] loan company and have been assigned your file. There are a few items I need clarification on. Please call me at your earliest convenience so that we can expedite your loan. *BARK*BARK*BARK*. I can be *BARK* reached at *BARK* [blah, blah number] until *BARK* 5:00 p.m."
There was a little yapper in the background. So, I'm thinking...hey, that's cool...they let them take their pets to work! Then, I started thinking a little more clearly...this "WARD" person....could she be related to our loan officer? Why, I wonder if she's his wife? The other day when we met him at his office [Starbucks], he said something about his wife helping out with the business. Hmmmmmm.
So, I call her back and I ask her if she is by chance [So-and-So's] wife. And she said she was! I thanked her kindly for the very professional message she left me and let her know that I thought the dog barking in the background was a nice touch. She laughed a little, but I could tell she was embarrassed. That's when the baby started crying. Well, I'll be.
Later Hubber and I share notes. Apparently this lovely lady called him today, too. She called him on his CELL PHONE....
Hubber: This is Hubber with [So-and-So] company.
Lovely Lady: Can you transfer me to HR please?
Hubber: Uhm. This is my cell phone. I can't TRANSFER calls.
Lovely Lady: This is [So-and-So] Ward calling to verify employment for Hubber.
Hubber: Well, this is Hubber and I verify that I work there.
Lovely Lady: I'll need to speak to someone in HR.
Hubber: Well call this #: [blah blah number]
Lovely Lady: Thank you. *BARK*BARK*CRY*CRY*
Click.
Very strange that one. Very strange. With a dog and kid like that, I'd probably lock those loud little heffers up in a sound proof room while I was on the phone CONDUCTING BUSINESS.
Maybe I'm in the wrong business. Is there money in processing loans from home? This is something I need to look into. My ideal job would be sitting my fat ass in a hot tub, clicking away on a lap top and yammering on the phone about hundreds of thousands of dollars each day....while people are sweating bullets and signing their lives away.
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