|This is what someone without|
a cell phone looks like.
Spawn: Mommy! You and I are going to have the best Summer ever!
Me: Uhm. ??
Spawn: I can't wait to hang out with you EVERY day... we can go to the park, we can have play dates, we can buy me my own phone so we can text each other! It's going to be awesome!
Me: You are not getting a phone.
Spawn: That's not fair! Even my pretend friend has a phone!
Me: Yeah, well, borrow HER phone!
Spawn: I just did. Did you get my text?
Spawn: It SAYS, "Mom, I need my own phone." I'm the only person in this entire house that doesn't have a phone!
Me: You're also the only person in this house without a job. Get a job and you can have a phone.
Spawn: I'm too small to get a job. Look at me! I'm tiny. Who's gonna give me a job? The only thing I know how to do is play! Who's gonna pay me to play?!
Me: Maybe you can go to work with your Dad and play with the old folks.
Spawn: I bet the OLD FOLKS all have phones! And, none of them have a job. All they do is sit around and drool all day! They don't even have to wipe their own butts!
This is how our conversations go, y'all. They never end. How the hell am I supposed to survive an entire Summer with this little heifer? HOW?!
As I type this blog, she's sitting under my desk singing, "I like big butts and I cannot lie... blah blahdy blah blah blah deny... when a girl walks by with a itty bitty waist with a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!" She just stopped to ask me how she can get sprung like the guy from the song.
Shoot me now.