Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring Break 2011 - Day 4

Mood: Relieved
Outlook: Excited
GPS Coordinates: Destin, FL....I'm too fucking lazy right now to look it up
Toddler Quote of the Day: "Yes ma'am, mamacita!"

We drove for 7.5 hours...leaving BFE to sample a little bit of paradise.  It's gorgeous in Destin, y'all.  The water is too cold for splashing around in, but it's sunny and in the 70's.  The girls and I played with the alligators when we got here, then we cleaned Walmart out of all their dumbass beach toys to prepare for Day 5's plans of lounging on the beach.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spring Break 2011 - Day 3

Mood:  Mentally Drained
Outlook: Hopeful
GPS Coordinates: Still in BFE
Toddler Quote of the Day: "Am I supposed to say 'excuse me' after I fart?"

Given the fact that visiting Grandma's house was sucking the big one, we decided we needed to check out a little earlier than planned.  So...instead of leaving BFE on Day 5, we decided to get the fuck outta here on day 4....that's tomorrow.... and it can't come any sooner.  I don't even want to recap the events of the day... instead, I'm looking forward to tomorrow around 4pm.  This is when the girls and I will arrive in Destin, FL to lounge on the beach for two days.  I've got an umbrella and a cocktail calling my name... I can hear it all the way over here in BFE.  Move outta my way, fellow driving bitches.... I gotsta get my drink on!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring Break 2011 - Day 2

Mood: Exhausted
Outlook: Life Sucks Hairy Ass
GPS Coordinates:  BFE
Toddler Quote of the Day: "I talk a lot and I'm smart."

We spent the first part of the day waking up.  Literally.  The whole changing time zones during daylight savings time has totally fucked us up.  We don't know when to fall asleep, and evidently we don't know when to wake up, either.   When we finally got our shit together, we hit the road again.  I think that's a song. Or it should be.

Just when I was praising her diligence, Maggie (GPS) reverted to her bitchy self.  She sent us through the Florida ghetto on an empty tank. Then, she proceeded to tell us that the "arrival time" had passed even though we hadn't reached our destination.  Had it not been for the two witnesses in the backseat, I would have strangled that bitch before throwing her out the window.

We finally made it to Grandma's house.  Since childhood, that place has mysteriously turned into the Twilight Zone.  All the [very tightly] hidden secrets are now all out in the open for everyone to see.  They slapped me in the face and sunk their rotten teeth into my skin.  It's a sad, sad state of affairs.  I can hardly wait to get back on the road.

On a brighter note.... child abuse is running rampant up in here....

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Spring Break 2011 - Day 1

Mood: Tired
Outlook:  Can't think further than the comfy bed calling my name
GPS Coordinates: 30 degrees N 28'52", 84 degrees W 18'6"

Toddler Quote of the Day:  "It wasn't MEEEE that farted, it was my baby doll...she has lots of gas from eating too much sugar!"

Not sure how DRIVING makes a person tired, but I am pooped.  My ass has been asleep for hours though, so that heifer is ready to party.  Too bad, fat ass.. we're gonna tap out this blog posting then hit the sack. 

Today's drive wasn't so bad. We made it 700 miles in 11 hours!  The spawns of my loins were soooo good on the ride, too... no fighting, no hair pulling, no pit poking.  It was fantabulous.  I was even able to wrap my day in a bow with a fruity, adult beverage.

But now, it's time to pass out.  Hasta manana....

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Spring Break 2011 - Day 0

Mood:  Anxious
Outlook: Positive
GPS Coordinates: ?? (home)

Tomorrow, the spawns and I leave for Florida.  We're driving there.  I'm a little nervous about the 18 hour drive; I've never driven that far on my own before.  Lil J wants to load the car up with a bunch of useless crap.  J is only concerned with her phone and laptop.  Neither of them thought packing a toothbrush was important.  Nor did they think they had to actually PACK shit up for the trip.  So, here I am doing laundry and making lists so we don't forget anything.  It feels kinda weird doing laundry on a Saturday.... it's usually reserved for Sunday.  Some people go to church.  I do laundry.

Hubber is currently out getting Bubba (car) cleaned up and his oil changed and whatnot.  Before he left, he "cleaned the car out"...which entailed gathering up Lil J's crap (and my spare shoes and sweaters) and dumping them in a heap on my kitchen table:

So, now, not only am I packing, I'm also cleaning house. Muthafucker!  I just noticed there's nail polish on the table. WTF was nail polish doing in my car?