Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I'm SOOO Classy with the Sex, I Amaze Even Me

I think the REAL reason Hubber married me is because I had instituted sexual implications for each day of the week (SDOTW = Sex Days of the Week).

  • Bottoms-up Sunday (_*_)

  • Eat-me Monday :-p(l)

  • Boobie Tuesday ( . )( . )

  • Humpday – this one didn’t take much creativity (<)===

  • BJ Thursday :-p<======

  • 69 Friday (not sure how to draw that)

  • Free-for-all Saturday (that’s like a free spin on Wheel of Fortune)

Now don’t get all excited thinking that we get it on every night of the week…because we do not. I repeat: WE DO NOT. And, not that doing so would be such a bad thing, but a girl needs leverage these days. When the hubber isn’t behaving to my satisfaction, I can say, “Alright Hubber, Humpday is out and BJ Thursday isn’t looking very good for you.” This sometimes gets me two helpings of Mondays…which is AWESOME. But, it’s even better when it gets me new shoes, handbags and cold hard cash. Money starts falling out of the damn sky when BJs are involved. Men will pretty much pay anything for them. They’d give up their first born child for the prospect of getting weekly BJs. Am I right? Dang, I just noticed how long the peepee is in my BJ Thursday drawing up there. Wow. And it’s skinny, too. Kinda like a pencil. Hmmm. Maybe if I would have drawn it like this <[[[[[[[[[ it might have looked more real. But, that looks too much like condom ridges. We don’t need no stinkin condoms in this here house, people. Hurray for TUBAL LIGATION! I’ll stick with the pencil pecker.

So anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, we don’t bump uglies daily. I just like to talk like I do. Makes me feel more attractive. (As I needed help in that department). But, having an SDOTW schedule helps us decide what activity would be appropriate for that day, should we decide to partake in the nasties.

I hope this post helps someone turn their sex life into something more classy. You’re welcome. Happy Tuesday – let the boobies free!

Update: I've had some time to think about this post and I think I may be guilty of soliciation and false advertising. I'm badass.

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