Maybe I'm the one who is a schizophrenic psycho...yeah...

I am fairly new to the whole psychotherapy thing. Is it just me or does everyone leave their therapist's office feeling like a total fuck-up? Don't get me wrong, I like my therapist, but I hate having all my faults and problems brought to the forefront. I liked it better when I could pack that shit away in a deep closet in the bowels of my know, back there where all the geniusness is screaming to be free. I'm actually paying money for someone to tell me I'm screwed up. Tell me something I don't know, damnit!

One of my girlfriends calls her therapist THE-RAPIST. Heh. That's something clever I would normally have come up with if it weren't for all the crap eating away at my geniusness. And, what the hell is the therapist writing down while we chat? I took a peek at the paper and it looked like she was mind-mapping a presentation on Newton's Law of Physics. I must really be fucked up. OR....maybe my geniusess was falling out of my ears as I talked and she was breathing it in?! That bitch! I bet that's how she made it through graduate school!

Also, it's funny how people in the waiting area all seem paranoid. I like to make up stories about why they're seeing shrinks. I was totally convinced that one guy at my last visit had obsessive compulsive disorder. He came in carrying a magazine...which I think he used to open the door, then he put it down on the seat and sat on it. When he got up for his appointment, he left the magazine there. Where his ass just sat. His ass is so nasty, HE wouldn't even touch the magazine after that. Yeah. And, y'all think I'm a screwball. Then there was this woman with shifty eyes and dirty, wrinkly clothes. I believe she was on crack... I'm thinking she stole shit from her family and they threw her ass out on the street. She pawned her wedding ring for enough money to buy a hit (is that what you call crack??), a bottle of Boone's Farm and a visit to her therapist. Smart.