Social Media is Kicking My ASS

For awhile there, I was the queen of the internet....blogging, tweeting, myspacing, facebooking, texting, etc. I was even able to keep up with a web site and all the crap I get paid real money to do. Then, something happened. I lost my damn mind. The next thing I knew, all I had going for me was the work I get paid for, texting and my personal facebook page (yes, I have two accounts). All this internet shit is overwhelming. Remember when no one knew anything about you? Back in the day when you CARED how much postage stamps cost and cell phones weighed 15 pounds? Now, cell phones fit nicely under your bra strap and you can use rolls of postage stamps to wipe your ass because they aren't good for much else.


That wouldn't feel very nice, would it? And what if the stamps rolled off and stuck to your cheeks mid wipe? Ok, so maybe you wouldn't wipe your ass with them....maybe you'd give them to your three-year-old as a treat for going potty. Although, my kid would prefer to have "silver monies, please"....which is better than "paper monies" I suppose. Hell, if Lil J would poop in the goddamned toilet, I'd give her stamps, coinage AND duckage! But nooooo.....I keep throwing all my dough away on new panties from Target instead. Shit. Literally.

Anyway. I digress. What the hell was I saying?

Oh, yeah. Social media is kicking my ass.