Thursday, January 21, 2010

What's YOUR life plan?

That is the question J recently asked herself. She shared her plan with me once she had it all figured out...
  1. Find a high school sweetheart.Get good grades in highschool.
  2. Get scholarships for college.
  3. Go to college with high school sweetheart. (preferably to Texas A&M, but wouldn't turn down Harvard if they accepted her.)
  4. Graduate college and start a career.
  5. Get married to high school sweetheart.
  6. Travel the world with husband.
  7. Start a family - one daughter and one son.  (will consider adopting because the birthing process grosses her out)
I asked her when she planned on making tons of cash so she can take care of her parents in their golden years and she said she's pretty sure we can take care of ourselves.   What a selfish heifer.  Who the hell is going to pay for Hubber's nursing staff when he becomes an incontient, slobbering, blubbery mess?  She certainly doesn't expect that shit to fall on me!!  And what about when her sister ends up in prison?? Who's gonna send her cigarrettes?  Who's gonna make sure she makes her parole meetings when/if she gets out? She's gonna need to re-think this list. For sure.

So, anyway, I got to thinking about MY life plan.  Because, honestly, I hadn't given it much thought. Ever. I've been one of those "live for today" types of people. And I ain't getting any younger.  You know shit is going downhill when you discover you have a crazy hair on your chin that grows 7 inches OVERNIGHT.  And when you highlight your hair to cover the gray. And when you decide that eating anything after 7 pm is a BAAAAAD idea if you're going to sleep at 9.  I've turned into my mother and I haven't even traveled the world yet!  And according to J's plan...she'll have traveled the world BEFORE having children. Smart, huh? 

I'm not sure WTF happened to me along the way...and why, as anal as I am, I didn't come up with a clever plan like J's a long time ago.  Well, fuck it. Better late than never, eh?  So...here goes...
  1. Find a job/opportunity that pays better than the one I have and allows me to work a lot less than I do now.
  2. Kick my boss in the balls on my way out the door.
  3. Learn to be a ninja warrior - or at least to kick ass should the need arise.
  4. Renew my wedding vows and get a new wedding ring.
  5. Send J off to college.
  6. Remodel my kitchen.
  7. Spend a week on a tropical island.
  8. Visit California before it falls off the map.
  9. Send lil J off to college.
  10. Spend a St. Patrick's Day in Ireland.
  11. Take an Alaskan cruise.
  12. Spoil the living shit out of my grandchildren.
....to be continued.

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