Saturday, January 30, 2010

Teenagers, toddlers and other things I don't really like to talk to...

I'm not sure I like this new video chatting thing the kids are using these days. When I barge into my teenager's room half dressed, dropping f-bombs and tossing her dirty panties at her face because she keeps leaving them on the bathroom floor after her shower....I'd prefer not to have any witnesses present.  Especially little perverted boys. And especially when it's cold and I'm wearing a wife-beater tank and no bra...and there's a hole in the ass of the boxers I have on.  It kinda defeats the purspose of my dramatic exit.  But, it mortifies my kid.  And that ain't a bad thing.  Maybe it'll make her think twice before giving me a reason to burst into her room during her chat session.

J: MOOOOM....I'm on skype!

Me: I don't give a shit...you need to quit leaving your stanky drawers on the floor!

*snickering is heard from the computer*

J: And, why didn't you KNOCK?  You have no clothes on!

Me:  *looking down that the complete wreck that are the rags hanging from my body*  This is MY house, I can wear whatever I want.  And, until you start paying rent to live here, I don't have to knock on shit!

This is basically how all my conversations with J go these days.  Her, wanting her privacy. Me, reminding her that she has no privacy and embarrassing the living shit out of her. 

Conversations with lil J aren't much better, though.  Here's what happened when I asked her how her day went yesterday:

Me: How was your day?

lil J: It was awesome.

Me: Really?  What made it so awesome?

lil J: I didn't even get in trouble...and I did't have to sit on the blue rug OR go to the office ALL day!

Me: ??

lil J: guess what?!

Me: what?

lil J: fuck.

Me: uhm...

lil J: is that a bad word?

Me: yes.

lil J: oh, ok.


This is my life, y'all.

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