Me (bewildered): What? I have no money.
Teen Spawn: No, really, they're long and lean.
Me (admiring my legs): Hmmm. They ARE kinda nice, huh?
Teen Spawn: Yeah, but it's kinda weird.
Me: What is?
Teen Spawn: They're just kinda outta proportion or something.
Me: Oh, HERE we go. You should stop now.
Teen Spawn: I mean... they're like toothpicks holding up a potato.
Me: You have 3 seconds to start running before I kick your ass.
Tiny Spawn (looking at my legs): Hmmm... don't listen to her, Mommy. Your thighs are chunky like a marshmallow.
Me: If I weren't medicated and sipping on Mommy Juice, the two of you would already be dead.
|HOLY SHIT, y'all... I'm Mrs. Potato Head!|