Monday, December 9, 2013

Pigs are really super cute... but they're also yummy!

I've been a large gal most of my life.  And, y'all know at least once a year I go on my "this-is-it-I'ma-get-skinny-no-more-bullshitting" kicks where I go on diets (or stupid "lifestyle changes") and preach about how THIS time I'ma be SERIOUS about this shit.  Sure, I might lose weight... but then I quit because all that dieting shit is just too fucking hard to keep up with while maintaining a sane and happy disposition.

I think everyone prefers me sane and happy.

That being said, I've tried lots of different diets, y'all.  But never once have I gone on a diet that didn't allow me to eat meat.  Ever.  Why? Because, I'm a carnivore, people!  I need to feed my face with meat even if I know it might sit undigested in my belly for weeks.  I don't give a damn.  That's what they make detoxes and shit for.

Turns out, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree (duh).

This is the conversation that went down the other day as the littlest spawn was chowing down on some leftover Thanksgiving ham...

Spawn:  Momma... I forgot to tell you that the other day at school, we learned about how all the meat we eat used to be real live animals.

Me: That's right.

Spawn: When Cinna (that's actually some kid's name) found out that her burger used to be a cow she freaked out and said she was going to become a vegetarian.

Me: She's a weirdo.

Spawn:  I know, right? I love hamburgers!  Turns out cows taste great.  By the way, guess what I'm eating right now?

Me:  A piggie?

Spawn: Yeah!  Pigs are really super cute, but they're also yummy.  I just have to eat 'em all up!

Me: Amen, sista.

I mean, seriously, y'all... it's the circle of life.  Didn't grass have to die to feed the cows?  Didn't truffles have to die to feed the pigs?  You think that shit doesn't have feelings just because it has no face.  I can tell you right now that plants have feelings.  I know this because plants hate my sister.  Anytime a plant is anywhere near her, it keels over and dies so it doesn't have to breathe the same air she breathes.  If THAT ain't proof of plant feelings, I don't know what is!

4 comments:

  1. Hahaha I love this and your honesty with your kids. Food chain: we're on top!
    It's refreshing when people embrace it instead of feeling embarassed to be a part of nature. The best part!

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    1. Thanks, Joy! We certainly embrace (and enjoy) our place on the food food chain in my home! :)

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  2. Hahahaha! Totally agree with your family! Carnivores here, every one! My kids even named our pigs! And played with them before they went to the butcher and came back to us in little brown-paper packages. Definitely 'circle-of-life' people here...

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    1. It's nice to know I'm in good company! :)

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