I ain't praying for your constipation to end

Sis:  Hey, on the radio show I was listening to, they were talking about all the stuff on Facebook that annoys people.  This one guy said he hates it when people ask for prayers but don't say what they want you to pray for.  I may be guilty of doing that.

Me: Yeah, you do it.  It's annoying as hell.  You're all like, "keep your fingers crossed for me today!"  I hate when you do that shit.

Sis: What's the big deal?  Maybe I don't want everybody to know my business.

Me: Then why say anything at all?

Sis: Because some people DO know my business... and THOSE people will keep their fingers crossed or say a little prayer for me because they KNOW what the heck I'm talking about!  And those who don't, are usually kind enough to send good vibes my way simply because I asked for them - no strings attached!

Me: Well, that's just fucked up. And, it pisses me off more because sometimes you put that shit up there and I see people commenting about how they'll pray for you or cross their fingers for you as if they ARE in on your secret, undercover bullshit... while I have NO FUCKING CLUE why you need me to cross my damn fingers. How the hell do they know what's going on and I don't?!  How?!  I feel the sudden need to punch you in the eye right now.  I wanna pull your hair, too.

Sis: Calm down!  You always know, you just forget!  I tell you shit and you listen only half-assedly!

Me: For all I know, you could be having a serious bout of constipation!  I ain't wasting my prayers on your SHIT!  I have to use my requests to God sparingly.  And, don't even get all up in my good mojo....that shit is saved up, too.... for serious requests!  I could care less about your bowel movements unless you're on your death bed. Are you dying?!

Sis: Who the hell said anything about my shitting habits?!  YOU'RE the one talking about me being constipated!  All I said was that sometimes I post statuses on Facebook asking for a prayer or two.  You don't have to comply!!

Me: When it comes to prayers and finger crosses, you get NADA unless I am privy to the REASONS.  You hear me?  You shouldn't even be posting that shit on there unless you're gonna tell us all what the heck is going on.

Sis: YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!

Me: Case closed.  I'm over this conversation.

Sis: Why do I even talk to you?

Me: <La la la la la la... >>

Well, thank GOD!  I thought you never would!