Monday, June 28, 2004

Diaper Drama...

On our way to the grocery store a few weeks ago, we saw a rolled up diaper on the sidewalk about 2 blocks from home. I remember commenting at how raunchy it was for someone to have tossed a diaper there. I remember Hubber saying maybe it FELL out of someone's stroller as they were strolling along. I remember J saying maybe it BLEW out of someone's trash can. I DISTINCTLY remember all this happening A FEW WEEKS AGO.

Yesterday, on our way to the grocery store again, guess what we saw on the sidewalk about 2 blocks from home? Yep. There it was. In all is bloated glory. It had expanded to triple the size it was a few weeks ago because of all the rain we had gotten. But, there was no mistaking it - it was the SAME diaper. In the same spot. Now you're thinking we live in the ghetto and dirty diapers on the sidewalk are to be expected in the GHETTO. The thing is - we don't live in the damn ghetto. We live in a very upscale neighborhood. And the house that is directly connected to the diapered sidewalk is worth probably $900,000. So, you'd think that after a FEW WEEKS, the owners of said house would have disposed of the bloated diaper by now. You would think. But noooooo. There it fell and there it stayed.

Maybe the home owners thought the diaper owner would come back to claim his or her property? The thing is - there's a gutter about 3 feet from the damn thing. Why not kick it to the curb and down the gutter. Hubber said - maybe someone did, but the rain flooded out the gutter and the diaper came floating out and back to the same spot. So, why not pay the yard man to pick the damn thing up and throw it in the garbage. Hubber said - maybe the yard guy did, but he forgot to put the lid on the trash can, and when it rained, the trash can filled with water and the diaper floated out - and over the last week or so, drifted back to the same place. So, what happened to the rest of the trash in the trash can? Didn't it float out, too? Hubber said - yes, but it drifted down the curb into the gutter. The diaper was too heavy, at that point, to drift any farther.

So, why not take it and toss it into the bayou? Hubber asked - obviously no one wants to pick it up...why would anyone carry it all the way to the bayou 5 blocks away? Then I said - they could hit it with a stick. Yeah. They could hit it with a stick all the way down to the bayou. We ALL know the bayou didn't exceed its banks. So, there wouldn't have been any floating or drifting OUT of the bayou.

This solution made sense. And Hubber finally agreed with me. What better way to dispose of a diaper on a sidewalk than to hit it with a stick all the way to the bayou? That's what ANY sane person would do.

Then J said - what if the diaper explodes when you hit it?

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