Tuesday, June 22, 2004

For Father's Day we got Hubber a TiVo. Let me just say - that thing is the best invention EVER. I mean seriously. In the olden days, I had to "hold it" until a commercial when I got the urge to pee. Now? I just pause that sucker. Yep. Pause. Live TV. Whoda thunk?!

*******

I just re-read my last entry where I was acting as the friggen infomercial for the 8-minutes in the morning crap. To know me is to know that that diet lasted all of 2 weeks. Those skinny people in that book suck. And speaking of suckage. Yesterday on Oprah (which I have a TiVo Season Pass for) there was this lady who weighed 350 pounds and had gastric bypass surgery and now weighs 125 or something ungodly like that. Her boobs drooped all the way down to her crotch before having an extreme make-over. I'm not sure why suckage reminded me of that lady. Maybe I was really remembering the guy who had lyposuction. Ewww. Fat shlurping through a clear tube is nasty. I'd rather leave it in my body where it doesn't make me puke to look at it. It's time to face the facts and come to terms with the realization that I'm just meant to be overweight. Big, beautiful women ARE IN. 'nuff said.

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I'm in the market for a new vehicle and I can't make my mind up. I like everything. I like nothing. Will my precious Peanut hate me when I trade her in? Will she curse my new car? Will her new owner be as caring as me? Will her new owner be a smoker and give her cancer? Or will she sit in a used car lot for years just rotting away and wondering why her mommy left her? What the hell is wrong with me?! The Peanut is a CAR. A CAR. Not a person. Not a cat or a dog or even a hippo. But A CAR! Any other sane woman would be thrilled at the prospect of having a new vehicle! No other sane woman would be worrying about hurting the feelings of her old car. I need to get a grip! Breathe in. Breathe out.

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