Momma Needs a Football Jersey That FITS

Momma needs one of these in an XXL
 I recently started writing for  I bet you peeps didn't think I knew anything about football, huh?  I live to keep you people on your toes.  Anyhow... all the football research and writing has gotten me all worked up about the NFL season.  I don't care so much about the lockdown and collective bargaining crapola.... the thing that has me all in a tizzy is the fact that cute football shirts for large women are so damn hard to come by.  I want to represent as much as the next guy does.... but unless I want to squeeze into a women's medium-sized jersey sold at Academy or swim in a men's boxy jersey, I'm shit outta luck. 

So, you can imagine my surprise and cries of joy when I saw an advertisment on for a new line of women's jerseys!  We're talking pink and blingy, y'all!  I was all beside myself as I clicked the link. But, as my luck would have it... the only size available in the Texans jersey I could afford is MEDIUM.  All the skinny girls and all the fat girls done bought up all the good stuff.... and the fucking line just opened!  Also, how does the NFL run out of jerseys in their store?  It's like going to McDonalds and ordering french fries only to be told they are "all out".  It's nonsense. And, it pisses me off.