Showing posts with label making money online. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making money online. Show all posts

You're fat and I know it. Click the damn link.

In case you heifers haven't noticed, there's something different about my blog.  Over there in that right sidebar are new advertisements.  Momma's trying to make some money, y'all.  Hubber's about to kick my ass to the curb if some of my writing projects don't start making money.  Go click on some of that shit.  I know some of you heifers must need to lose some weight... or build a website... or buy a domain... or stock up on sex toys... or some similar shit like that.

C'mon... I know you're fat.  You need a how-to-lose-weight plan, right?  Go click on that shit and buy a guide or some supplements or whatever.  Thank you. And, you're welcome.

Sex Toys Are Your Friends (and mine)

All Stand and APPLAUD, Damnit!

It's a proud moment in Snarky Heifer-ville, y'all.  Momma got her first advertiser!  That's right!  Someone is actually PAYING money for a slot on my website! CHA-CHING!  I didn't even have to turn a trick; which makes Hubber a happy camper.

Nevermind that my advertiser sells adult toys.  They're still legit (because the check didn't bounce)... and cool as shit in my book. At first, I was tempted to trade them some ad space for loot.  But then I realized that my cupboard is bare and my peeps need milk and eggs before Hubber needs a blow up doll.  So, I opted for the cash.  Smart, huh?

Another good thing about my newly acquired [best] friends is that I've learned a lot more than I ever thought possible about the adult toy businesses.  There are contraptions for everything, y'all.  Turns out, I don't know shit about kinky sex.

For example, what do you think THIS is?:

No, it is not an attachment for your kitchen blender.

It is a vaginal/anal bi-polar ElectraProbe.  And, if that isn't snazzy enough for you... you POWER it up with one of these things:

I'm dead serious about this shit.  Kinda scary, if you ask me.  Pretty sure I don't want anything inside my hoo-ha that uses electro-thingamajigs in order to operate.  With my luck, my goodies would turn toxic and Hubber's dingaling would fall off in two months. Eeek!

But, wait!  Don't let that stop you from visiting my advertiser's lovely store!  They sell a bunch of normal shit, too.  I promise!  Go check them out:

I ain't no hillbilly, but I sure as heck can write like one!

Just when I thought I couldn't stoop any lower in the writing-for-money arena, I was offered a new gig writing in "hillbilly speak" (which I took without hesitation... duh).  I am getting PAID for using bad language, poor grammar and crappy spelling.  It don't get much better than that, peeps! 

Let me just say, there are some weird ass websites out there, y'all.  This one site is targeted at hillbilly-types who can't afford indoor plumbing but somehow own a computer (with internet access) and want to make money online by clicking on all those bullshit ads and surveys.  The crazy thing is that they have over 9,000 members!  NINE THOUSAND people believe they'll make a living off of clicking on website ads and being bombarded with pop-ups and spammy emails.

I know first-hand that that shit don't work.  Yes, I tried it - many, many moons ago.  But, just to make sure shit hasn't changed since last year, I decided to try it out again for tackling this writing project.  In a matter of 30 minutes, I was able to accumulate $0.05 and 20 wooden nickles.   Five cents don't go far in my world, y'all... and at that rate it would take me 654 gazillion years to accumulate $5 for some Marble Slab icecream.

I think I'll stick to writing.

How do you like yer possum, fallin' off the
bones tender or with a little fight left in it?