Spring Break 2012: Days 2-4

We're now in Colorado.  All is well, but the roadtrip up was definitely a learning experience.  Here are a few things we learned along the way:

• Driving through Kansas (the state of Kans-assholes) is not fun when you're 10ft tall and winds are 65 mph.  The Winnie got a whopping 6 miles per gallon across the entire fucking state. Never again. We'll avoid Kansas at all costs on future roadtrips.
• Storm water grates located in rest stops in Kansas = Redneck dumpstations.  You don't want to know.
• Rocky Mountain gas isn't the stuff you put in your car.  It's what your body experiences due to the high altitude.  It's 10x worse for dogs.  It can smell like: death, skunk squirt or dairy farm (or a combination of these).
• Driving uphill in the Winnie will cause all those behind you to curse the day you were born. Twice.

I'm sure we learned other things; but I've already forgotten them.  I need to take notes next time.

Anyway...

The Hancocks are now officially boondocking (that's RVing-speak for freeloading) in my sister-in-law's driveway in Parker, CO. We're even hooked up to power and water.  We did, however, get rid of the kids in the evenings... they're sleeping IN the house while Hubber and I rough it in the front yard.  During the day, though, I sure wish I could drop their asses off at school.  Vacation ain't so fun when you spend the entire time trying to entertain two girls who are not easily satisfied unless you spend your life savings along with an arm and a leg everywhere you go.  When did these little heifers become such divas?!  I haven't consumed nearly enough adult beverages to stay sane.  I feel a bloody mary night coming on.

2011: It's a Wrap!

2011 was a tough year for my family. 

It's been nearly a year since my grandma started hangin' loose with the sweet 6 lb, 8oz baby Jesus in heaven.  And, it seems we've all been stumbling through the year making up new family traditions for ourselves without her.  Shit just isn't the same without that ol' gal.  But, the world keeps turning and life seems to be going by at full speed.

On the homefront, we had to adjust our lifestyles to my new career move. You know, THE MOVE. The one that resulted in less income but more freedom.  The one that relieved me from stress and restored some of my sanity.  The same move that has injected me permanently into the daily lives of my children.  Yeah, that one.

I've watched my teen spawn mature a little.  She appreciates having me at home and has been a real trooper when it comes to budgeting for material things she was accustomed to getting at the drop of hat.  I'm one proud momma.

I think I've had to adjust more than anyone else. I haven't bought myself new clothes or shoes in over a year. The funny thing is that I didn't even realize that I have been going without until I was cleaning out my closet the other day.  Some things just aren't THAT important.

Also, I've learned that "working from home" isn't as easy as it sounds.  You still have to bathe, shave, manage your time, juggle "work" and "home", and deal with dumbasses on semi-regular basis. 

All in all, though, life is good.

Happy Holidays!  May 2012 bring great adventures!

We're More Like the Griswolds Than Cousin Eddie's Peeps

Although telecommuting isn't always all it's cracked up to be, the one constant positive thing about it is that I can work from anywhere.  And by "anywhere"... I mean ANY FUCKING WHERE!  Like here, for instance:

Hellooooo, Minnie Winnie!

That's right, people! The Hancocks bought a second home...and this bad boy has wheels!  His name is Minnie Winnie.  Like a small weiner.  (But, we all know, size doesn't matter. Besides, Minnie Winnie has very ginormous balls.) 

So, why did we take the plunge?  Well, Hubber had an itch.  I guess it's the caveman in him.  The last time he had this itch, I nearly died... and in order to live through his itch this time, we decided a motorhome was the way to go.

The first itch took place several years ago when Hubber introduced me to his kind of "roughing it."  It was loaded with nature, tents, sleeping bags, fires and more nature.  Momma don't like too much nature, y'all.  But, I'll try anything once... so I was a good sport about my first camping trip.  Mother nature, however, wasn't too keen on my dabbling with her affairs.  First, it was hot and muggy and mosquitos were everywhere.  Next, it was so cold I thought my nips would break right off the ends of my boobs.  Then, it rained.  All night. As I lay in my tent. Dying.  I kid you not.  And, to make matters worse, in the middle of the worst rain storm in history, my toddler decides to contract explosive diarreah.  Climbing (but mostly slipping and sliding) a half mile uphill in the dark of night to find the restroom nearly killed us both.  It's a miracle that I lived to tell the tale.

So, when Hubber got the "we really need to go camping" itch again... the solution was either DIVORCE or buy a motorhome.  We figured a divorce would be too taxing on the children so we opted for the latter.

Which makes the entire family happy.  The "real campers" can pitch a tent if they want to, but Momma's gonna be warm and cozy inside her Minnie Winnie; banging away on the laptop, sipping coffee and watching trash on television.  And, when the explosive diarreah stikes (and it WILL strike), the toilet will only be 6 feet away!

Although I sure hope that when the shitter gets full, Hubber doesn't turn into this guy: