Friday, November 14, 2003

Boss Lady - That's me.

A couple of months ago, I got a promotion. Ok, so now you’re probably thinking, YAY! you got a raise! You would be wrong to think that. There was no raise. There were only added responsibilities. I’m the boss of an entire department now. The great thing is – they didn’t take any of my old responsibilities away, they just gave me more! YAY! (That was sarcasm, by the way, in case your sarcasm detector isn't working.) What’s wrong with this picture? I’ll tell you… it isn't fair! But here I am, rolling with the punches. Before, I just managed myself - and a few pee-on administrative assistants...but now, I've get to manage real people! I've learned that most people are not as smart as they look. I've also learned that the people who look dumbest, are usually the smart ones. They just look dumb on purpose so no one gives them important things to do. Now, that's pretty smart, eh?

Office Etiquette

Ok, so at the request of my boss, I created an “Etiquette Manual” to be used by all as a reference. When in doubt, each person is supposed to refer to this piece of art before acting like an asshole. There’s pointers on it like, “Say Please… and of course Thank You. Your mother should I have taught you that.” (I added my own commentary where appropriate.) Very few people around here say the magic word… and even fewer are thankful. It’s amazing how grown people act worse than children, isn’t it?

On another note, just the other day, I was on the phone (ok, so it wasn’t a business call – I was gossiping with my mother about my sister-in-law – why is it that when I’m actually talking business, no one needs me, but the minute I take care of a little personal stuff, they're tearing the damn door down?!)… anyway, I was on the phone when one of the ladies I work with comes into my office. She could plainly see that I was on the phone and yet proceeded to rummage through the paperwork on my desk! What the *#&@%?! So, I politely ask the person on the phone (my mama) to hold one second, I turn to the rude heffer in my office and tell her that I’ll be with her in a minute. She nodded, but didn’t leave… just continued reading stuff on my desk. I was forced to add “I’ll come down to your office when I’m done, I’m on a very important call.” She put my paperwork down and walked out. The nerve!

I think this manual is a work in progress.

Also, I wonder if public restroom etiquette should be included. Restroom stall buffers, for instance… if there are 3 stalls and one person in the last one, the decent thing to do is take the first one. Why would anyone plop themselves down in the center stall?! That’s the emergency stall – only to be used with the other two are occupied! There there’s one lady who asks, “who’s in there?” or “is that you, Jane?” when she notices she isn’t alone in the restroom (worse yet, she peeks under the stalls, recognizes your shoes and gives a personal hello). I don’t know about you, but when I HAVE to go to the restroom, I like to get in and out unnoticed and as quickly as possible. I don’t want to chit chat while someone is farting… I want to take care of business, wash my hands, and get the hell out of there. I won’t even mention the instances where I had to hold it because I walked in and the stench was so awfully unbearable, that if I had stayed to pee, I would have puked and fainted. Can we say Courtesy Flushes? Poop-Flush-Spray. Poop-Flush-Spray. Geez! Instead, they let the foul smell of every bit of their waste linger in the air.

Ok. That was gross. I'm sorry. I hope no one was having lunch while reading this.

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