Monday, December 14, 2009

Ho Ho Ho!  

I don't usually do my Christmas shopping online because, contrary to popular belief, I am a gift buying procrastinator.  I hate shopping.  Let me take that back.  I hate shopping for other people.  Because, recall: I am a selfish bitch.  And because I don't think other people are worth all the time and energy and EFFORT it takes for me to drag my fat ass through the crowds this time of year.  Plus, I have this anxiety thing that attacks me if I'm around hoards of fucktards.  So, to avoid the high drama, I decided to try to buy as much as possible online this year.  And now, I have a few new found hatreds...because there isn't enough shit on the list of things I hate. First of all, shipping and handling fees are out of fucking control. And FREE shipping only applies to shit that is expected to arrive 23 days AFTER Christmas. WTF, internet stores?!  Second of all, Amazon.com will TELL you they have 61 VTech Kiddiezoom cameras available in pink...so you'll put the shit in your cart and keep shopping.  But when you go to check-out and they announce, "Hello, you gullible, dumbass bitch!  We don't ACTUALLY have the camera in stock at the moment, but we'll have one on December 26 and can ship it to you on January 2."  What the hell am I supposed to do with that?  Put an I.O.U. under the tree for a toddler who CAN'T FUCKING READ?   Bitches.  Then, to make matters worse, Amazon.com does not let you remove shit from your cart once you've gotten to that point...so if you're not a nerd like me and you fail to read this little note about the "not currently in stock" bullshit at during check-out, you will be real sad when your shipment comes in and there will be many tears and hissy fits from your kid on Christmas morning.  So....take heed, people. READ that shit before you click "process my order."  You're welcome.

Ok.  I'm gonna get off my soap box now. Because, ya'll! It's almost Christmas!  This is my favorite time of the year - well, second to my birthday week(s)! The weather in Houston has been surprisingly "wintery", too, which makes it even more fabulous because we've been able to turn the fireplace on...and drink spiked hot beverages...and walk around in fuzzy slippers...and put our really cold feet on Hubber's warm belly.  It's awesome!

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