Spawn: Please go to [so-and-so] website immediately and send them $50.
Spawn: Don't you care about tigers? Some only have one eye! They're becoming extinct in Africa! We can't let that happen. They only need $50. What is wrong with you? Go online now!
Me: Where'd you hear about that?
Spawn: There was a commercial about it during Jessie.
Me: Go read a book or something! I ain't sending $50 nowhere!
Spawn: Momo probably cares. Momo cares about everything... animals... babies... and even the President. You don't even care about the President! I'm gonna tell Momo.
Me: <going to website and ignoring that comment> Let me see here... Ah-Ha! Looks like if you donate at least $50 they'll send you a stuffed animal.
Spawn: Well, that's what you get for saving a tiger. It's the tiger's way of saying "thank you, I'm alive"
So, naturally, I did what any good parent would do in this situation, I avoided an argument and instead pretended to send them money to get the kid off my damn back. When I mentioned it to my mother later, she pointed at a tiny stuffed tiger sitting near a stack of mail. It was the one from the damn commercial.
Mom: It was for a good cause.
Me: You're getting kinda loony with this stuff, Momma.
Mom: I'm just doing my part because I can. There is so much injustice in the world. Did you sign all those petitions I sent you over email?
Me: Uhm. Yeah.
Mom: You didn't, did you? You need to.....
.....that was when I tuned out. I saw her mouth moving and the passion in her expressions as she tried to convince me that I should be more of an activist. But, I honestly didn't hear a word. Crickets. That's what I heard.
I ain't got time for that shit, Momma! I'm too busy trying to keep my own damn self alive. Forget the one-eyed tigers in Africa! It's all I can do to make it through each day without dying or killing someone. I ain't got time for petitions and letters to my congressmen and whatnot. And those starving kids in China? Sorry! I got two starving kids at home to worry about! Oil drilling in Alaska? Huh? I don't give a rat's ass!
The world is a fucked-up and unfair place. I find bliss in ignorance.
|Suck it up tiger! If a bear can wear a |
patch over his missing eye, you can too!
On a side note: On my way out of my mom's house that day, I snagged that stuffed tiger up quick and shoved it into my purse. The tiny spawn was thrilled to learn that she had indeed saved a tiger. And, I saved my sanity along with $50. Win-win in my book.