Road Trip's Almost Here...

In 9 days, 19 hours and 29 minutes I'll be strapping my seatbelt, sipping my soda, feet up on the dashboard on my way to Colorado! It's an 18 hour drive - but we're making CDs, and taking plenty of DVDs to keep us busy! There's this place called Woody's Smokehouse about 100 miles outside of Houston that has the BEST beef jerky EVER! We'll stop there, of course... there's no way I'd make it 18 hours without some jerky to suck and chew on. I can almost feel the peppers lodged between my teeth. mmmmmmm -- jerky.

Wichita Falls, TX

I remember our last road trip to Colorado. We decided it'd be cool to stop at a few landmarks on the way there and back. So, Wichita Falls was our first touristy stop going up. We were under the VERY misleading impression that there were actually FALLS in Wichita Falls. Even the map said we wouldn't be disappointed. So, we stopped in at a Tourism station in Wichita Falls, TX for instructions on how to get to the falls. We then found ourselves WALKING through a park on a 1 mile trail...because that was the scenic route, we were told. When we finally got to the "FALLS," we were horrified! It was a mold infested sewerage line spilling into what we in Houston call a DITCH! There was a plaque on the wall explaining that the Falls had dried up in 1923 or some long ago year! What the...?! All that stupid lady in the tourism station had to say was that there isn't actually a "falls" in Wichita Falls. How hard would that have been?

Roswell, NM

On the way home on that trip, we decided to take a little detour into New Mexico - specifically to check out all the alien happenings in Roswell. First of all, if you've never been to that town, you're in for a treat! Their Main street is lined with lamp posts whose light fixtures are in the shape of alien heads! Every street (I mean EVERY) has at least one "alien store" where they sell everything from alien postcards and antenna balls to baby aliens in a jar and blow-up alien dolls! And every person in that town looks like an alien. It's freaky, I tell ya! We almost expected to be abducted that night while we slept!

The museum there was kinda cool. J wasn't too thrilled to take a picture with the alien sculptures they had there... I wanted her to pose shaking one of their hands. She wouldn't do it. We also visited the "crash site." If you saw that Steven Spielberg mini-series, Taken, it was sort of like that...except we didn't see any real aliens. That we know of.
32 days until Spring Break!

YAY us! We're going to Colorado soon. These last 32 days seem to be dragging on and on and on, though. It's like time goes slower just to piss me off. My sister-inlaw has planned a night in an Estes Park cabin - complete with sleigh rides and some other fun snow stuff I can't remember right now. I bought several new hats, scarves and sweaters! I love it that I'll actually be able to wear that stuff without looking like a complete dork. When you wear a hat and scarf in Houston during the winter, people laugh at you and talk about how ridiculous you are to think you can actually pull off a get-up like that when it's only 60 degrees out.

Beer or Chocolate

The other day we passed by a billboard advertising a "Chocolate Exhibit" at the Museum of Natural Science. I'm assuming it's supposed to be about how chocolate is made. How that falls under the realm of "natural science," I don't know, but in any case it reminded me that my sister-inlaw was planning a brewery tour for us during our trip to Colorado. Apparently there's a brewery near Denver. I'm not sure why chocolate reminded me of beer, but it did. So, after pointing out the lovely chocolate billboard to J, I told her about our upcoming tour through the brewery...and how Hubber and I were going to be able to sample beer for free! She informed me that she'd rather go to the museum in Houston where she could sample free chocolate. She's smart that way. I wonder if the museum is giving out free candy? Forget the beer - I want chocolate!
Are they faking it?

I find myself spending too much time dealing with idiots. Yes, that's right, stupid people. People who have no common sense. People who can't figure anything out for themselves. Nit-wits. Ding-bats. You know the type. They drive me nuts, I tell ya. In a management meeting this morning, someone said, "Oh, don't give that to Jane to do, she'll screw it all up." Uhm, excuse me. We've given Jane every opportunity to succeed here. It's time to let her dumb ass go! Sheesh. If she can't run the mail through the damn postage machine without screwing things up, then it's time to be rid of her. I sound harsh, don't I? I guess I'm just fed up with having to overload the hard working mule because we have dead weight that won't move. Sometimes I wonder if people like Jane are just faking it. Maybe she's a friggen genius! She just acts like a dumb ass in order to get out of doing any work. How can she live with herself?!
I'm baaaaack!

Wow. It's been awhile since I've been able to update my blog. December always goes by too fast - so fast, sometimes, that if you blink (or even stop to take a breath), it's suddenly January 6th. Good news is, I didn't drop off of the face of the Earth. I survived Christmas - and I made it through my parents' New Year's Eve party without making a fool out of myself! Come to think of it, everyone pretty much stayed sober and sane. Which, in our family, is a miracle. My sister, brother and father puked 3 years in a row. It was kind of became a running joke: Who's going to throw-up first this year? Well, Dad finally realized he can't drink the way he used to, my brother was too sick to drink much, and my sister had a "date" she was trying to keep her cool for this year. My other brother has as much sense as God gave a ant so he always does/says something we can use against him over and over all year until the next time he makes an idiot out of himself. Once, at the auto parts store he manages, when speaking to a customer in spanish, he said, "Lo tengo que cagar" instead of "Lo tengo que cargar." He was referring to "charging a battery." But if you know spanish, "cagar" means "to shit," and "cargar" means "to charge." So, in essense, he told the guy to "Wait here, while I go shit on your battery."
Queer Eye

The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy – great show! Hubber can say what he wants to about it, but I know he loves it! The fab 5 making over the poor, tasteless straight guy – it’s genius, I tell ya! Why is it that gay guys are so hip and “with it?” When Hubber and I were dating, I made him stop wearing his coach’s shorts. Uhm… if you’re not a coach, on a high school football field, you have no business wearing those god awful things. Even coaches look hideous in them – but at least THEY are actual coaches, so it can be overlooked. But no man of mine is going to be struttin’ his stuff in those shorts. Nu-uh. No way Jose.
I'm playing hookie from work tomorrow. Hubber and I are going shopping - maybe this time we'll finish. I'm ready to quit buying stuff for other people and start buying stuff for myself! Ever since becoming an a adult (and a mother, to boot) I've been getting jipped (sp?) in the gift department, so I try to get myself a few nice things as compensation for other people's poor judgment. I've been good, too, damnit! Last year Hubber took me on a shopping spree. That was fun! But, now I'm skinnier than I was last year and all those shopping spree clothes are making me look ridiculously slobbish these days. The problem is - I plan to lose more weight over the next few months. So, should I shop now or wait it out until I'm closer to my goal weight? Ugh. Maybe a few things now, and a whole LOT of stuff later! I can't wait until I'm skinny!!

I would like to shop for all my co-workers on this site: The MISTAKES sticky pad says, "It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others." And the CLUELESS one says, "There are no stupid questions but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.” The sad part is that the clueless people won't GET it. Oh wait, here's another fave...the PROCRASTINATION one says, "Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now." That's why I'm blogging at work.

There's something for everyone on this site!

I can spend days in bookstores with my nose in book after book after book! I love those places. Bookstores are where all my ideas surface - where all my plans to change parts of my life, to make resolutions come to pass. For a few brief hours, I'm lost in a world of culture, history, comedy and fiction. I love it! If I win the lotto, I think I'll buy a bookstore.

We went to Barnes & Noble last weekend. For the first few minutes, Hubber, J and I all browsed together. Then he followed her to the children's section. I promised to meet up with them shortly. Well, I never did. Over in the children's section, Hubber kept trying to pull J away and drag her back over to where I was. But she was adamant on staying because "Mommy said she'd meet us here!" "Mommy's not coming!" he finally told her. He was right. I had no intention of making my way to the kiddie section. None at all. I hadn't even realized an hour had passed when they found me. I could spend forever in that place.
Our Home for the Holidays

Our house now closely resembles my image of what Santa's Workshop should look like. Or some might say that it looks like Santa puked all over our house! We've got crap all over the place! Lights, wreaths and garland outside - along with those "balls of light" or whatever they're called. Inside, we've got cookie jars, candy bowls and candles galore, a winter village scene, a snowman family, a moose family, animated snoopy, animated mr./ms. claus, and more garland wreaths and lights! Not to mention our big, fat Christmas tree. Hey, you only live once, right?! We looove Christmas time - and it's plainly obvious once you step through the front door. It's the closest you can get to being obnoxious without actually BEING obnoxious.

We're cute, we're fun, we're one cool family, damnit!
Apparently, in the movie Spaceship Troopers, Hubber says there's a co-ed locker room to go along with the co-ed sports. Ok, so that's a weird thing to come up out of the blue in a conversation, right. Well, first we were talking about the "tellerporter" from the Washington Mutual commercials - you know the one where they beam tellers to wherever you are? Anyway - Hubber thinks there would be many very functional uses for such a object. He said he'd use it to tellerport into a bank vault, swipe some money, then tellerport his ass out of there...or he'd use it to tellerport himself into the grocery store, fill up his basket, then tellerport himself and his grocery basket outta there. I said I'd use it to tellerport myself into the Houston Texans locker room at the exact moment all the guys were buck naked, walking out of the shower...I'd grab a few handfuls of those big ol' booties, then tellerport out of there. Somehow, the conversation turned to co-ed locker rooms - because, I guess Hubber figured he'd like to grab some booties, too (of the female persuasion, of course). I happen to think co-ed locker rooms wouldn't be a problem for women - men, however would be too distracted to concentrate on their jobs. Men just can't handle a bunch of naked women. I don't believe they have the ability to disassociate naked-ness with sex.

Hubber and I came to the same conclusion... Starship Troopers is a fake ass movie.
Burdened with too much info
At work, I’m the person everyone likes to talk to. They know I’ll keep my mouth shut no matter what they tell me. Sometimes this reputation weighs pretty heavy. The only thing I can do is go home and dump it all on Hubber. He sits there and nods as if he’s taking it all in. At that point, I don’t really care if he’s even listening, I’m just happy he sits quietly and ACTS like he cares.

That stands for mother-in-law (in internet lingo). Mine is a piece of work. Damned if you do… damned if you don’t. She lives by that motto. It makes things easier for her that way, I think, when she’s being a PAIN IN EVERYONE’S ASS! (damn the old-lady-syndrome… damn it to hell!)