Monday, April 4, 2011

Momma's got a brand new blog

I don't get PAID to write entries in this blog.  This is my OUTLET... my escape from all my fabulous clients... the ones who pay my bills and keep snazzy shoes on my feet.  So, you won't find me pimping out any weird companies here...nor will you find me linking to random crap I think you need to buy.  Instead... we shall have FUN here, people!  You hear me?  FUN!  So, let me vent and feel free to tell me to shut the hell up whenever I get carried away. (That will probably never happen.)

I DO blog for money, too, though.  But, since I get paid for it, I can't necessarily attach my name to it because then all my fans will think I'm square.  And, Momma ain't square, y'all... she can just write like a square.  Now, that right there is TALENT. 
Serious Client:          Every blog posting should use keywords relevant to what we do.

Me: Well, duh.

Stern Client:  I mean it.  No one cares about your slobbery dog or your snot-nosed kids.

Me: Seriously?  Everyone cares about that stuff.  They even want to know what I eat for breakfast, how I take my coffee and what color my toe nails are painted.

Stern and Serious Client: Stick to the KEYWORDS.

Me:  Keywords are overrated. I'm the world's next BIG thing!  I'm like Mandonna (except I can't sing and my arms are flabby) or Christina Aguilera (except I know the words to the National Anthem) or Fergie (except I don't have a ding dong in my pants)!

Client with $$:  Keywords or you’re fired.

*click*

Me: You’re the boss!

That's how shit goes down when people are paying me to write.  I do as I'm told.  Momma needs new shoes and handbags, and that stuff doesn’t just buy itself, you know.  I need these jobs.  And, for the record… my dog doesn’t slobber that much and my kids only have snotty noses when they’re sick or when they sleep under a ceiling fan covered in dust bunnies.

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