Sunday, April 3, 2011

New Job = New Blog

So, I landed this one big writing gig.... and just as my ego was inflating to astronomical proportions, I was brought back to Earth where I am merely one of 376 gazillion other writers who are probably way more qualified than I am to be doing this.  It happened the other day when I asked my new client to help me write a little ditty for an upcoming press release about my skills (because having ME as a contractor is freakin' newsworthy, y'all!).  Here was his reply:

Meet our newest writer:
Tamara is a snarky heifer who is lucky to have found us.  She curses and screams and rants and raves about the silliest, most nonsensical crap you can imagine.  How she has managed to remain gainfully employed all of these years is beyond us.  Anyway, we decided we would “man-up” and do the world a favor by taking her off of the unemployment market.  We now monopolize all her free time with tasks related to managing our corporate communications. She’s not the best person money could buy, but she is certainly one of the cheapest – for a start-up company, saving money is essential. Plus, she’s kind of cute when she prances around in her tiara, she rarely trips over her own two feet and most times she even finishes a complete thought when she writes.  Also, she can wiggle her ears and chew with her mouth closed; both outstanding qualities in an employee.  That being said, we won’t make any promises of enlightenment or life-altering experiences through her writing.  Enjoy!  And, please send comments, complaints, suggestions, hate-mail, and/or threats directly to her at tamarah0809@hotmail.com If she breaks the law or offends anyone, we don't know her.
Yeah.  So, at first I wanted to punch him in the throat for his so-called compliments... until I realized he had done me a huge favor!  He blessed me with the name for my new blog.... SNARKY HEIFER.  Thanks, dude!

That's "Princess Snarky Heifer" to you!

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